hey ... this is for ne one who really cares about what i write in here.... i have moved to livejournal because my sister got a xanga and i dont want her to read all my posts on here.... sooo my account on live journal is Bamm_bamm http://www.livejournal.com/users/bamm_bamm/

Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down on the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have..
I'll never have.. I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in..
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in.
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you. 

-From Autmn to ashes

i hella like that song..... very cool song..... relates to how i have been feeling.... i hate it so much how you see some one so often and its like there is nothing there.... not even aquantices.... and i look at that person when they arnt looking and i know that person looks at me.... but our eyes never meet.... and thats how it goes... day in and day out.....it hurts...... and i know what ever happens i cant have them.....
oh well no one will understand......... and i dont expect them to... because i dont understand myself..... im am wacked out...... and i dont even do drugs..... i dont need drugs to hear screeming in my head..... its a constant fight to keep sane.... oh well ill find a way out...... some day.... some how..... i just dont know yet.......

fuck im am so going to pop soon.... so much shit in my head i just want to i dont know.... do something..... i just found out that insted of goin to my cousins for thanksgiveing.... i have to fucking to to my gradparents in sac town.... i hate it up there..... i was hella looking forward to going to my cousins..... i love my family there... liek i have a bunch of cousins my age.... and like its always hella fun when we go there..... but then like in sacramento.... its so boring.... theres noone for me to chill with .... like theres my sister an my 7 year old girl cousin.... so i end up just sitting there..... im too young to be with my crack head uncles and aunts while they just sit and get drunk.... i hate it......  i dont know its a hella waste of time.... you drive 3 hours there in traffic to be there for 3 hours.....and then drive back... it sucks ass when all i end up doing is sit on my ass....... FUCK i just found out that if we go to sacramento it would just be me my sister and a bunch of redneck adults...... man i hate my own culture.... i mean can you call people who sit around and drink beer a culture..... i dont know maby im just too used to asian and islanders.... like its hella weird.... i dont kno

dam too many projects in school.... way too many..... and they are all worth hella points... iono hella lame ass shit.... ohhh i got a date to winter ball... my other 1/2 haha..... the grace to my will..... haha worked today... took hella days... i was hopeing to be home by like 3... but no i got home at 5.... dam... i hella hate testing..... hmm what else has been going on.... nothing unusial.... im going to see Romeo and Juliet at Indi tonight with kirstan..... its really long so i dont know if im going to stay for the whole thing....so imm goint to get clean and call kirstan...

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well i didnt get to go to play... a lil bumed.... i just feel bad cuz i told alex id go and i didnt thats what makes me fell bad... sorry alex.... i ended up going to see gothica at like 900.... cool movie... freaky...scary...good ending... i liked it.... i like movies where everything ties together in the end and it end good not shitty and all wacked out.... well i think im going to go to bed.... not much to do here.... and im really tired